Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
