On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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