Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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