so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
