when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I supernannyed him into submission
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize