i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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