I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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