she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
