I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
