arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's shark week go big or go home
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
