First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
