so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
