can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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