Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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