youre lurking in front of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
