What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
