Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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