I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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