im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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