they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
