awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
