I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
