Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
