theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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