After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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