just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
