My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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