I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
