oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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