She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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