Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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