The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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