There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
