Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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