And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
