$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
