the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
