Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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