I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
