i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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