What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
