the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
