This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
