The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
