you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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