it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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