I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
