look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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