At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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