I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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