How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I skipped work to stalk him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He felt like a one man threesome
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
