i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
