oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
