i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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