he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
