my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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