Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
