i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
