He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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