Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
