so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
