Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
