she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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