At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
