Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
