I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
