the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize