I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
