Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
