New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
