i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
