I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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