The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
